The Difference between Men & Women in Broken Relationships

Bobbye and I asked a friend of ours to be interviewed on our daily radio show. Her name is Donna Scott and she is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Today she came to our office for the recordings. Even though we know Donna, her kindness and sensitivity to share in her clients’ pain and then to wisely and calmly provide counsel to those in broken relationships amaze us. God is using her and mightily moving through her to repair broken hearts and mend broken relationships.

On a side bar conversation, I asked her what the biggest difference is between men and women when struggling in their relationship? Her answer may surprise you…

“When people come in to get healing help for relationship wounds, I notice a difference between the types of injuries found in men versus women in their moments of brokenness. As I counsel men, they generally tend to intellectualize their pain through interpreting life events. They typically sense that no matter what they do, it is not ‘good enough.‘ These feelings frequently create a sense of helplessness and futility. Unfortunately, it is usually manifested as anger or indifference to their partner. Women, on the other hand, are likely to experience their emotional hurt as ‘I’m not worth fighting for.’ This hurt results in lowering her sense of worth and security in the relationship. Her pain is sometimes displayed as anger or nagging. Neither understand that they actually have the same need in common; It is the longing to love and be loved by the one who matters most.”

We all want to be loved. We may not be very good at communicating how we want to be loved and we might not be very good at explaining why we are acting out or withdrawing but the bottom answer is the same.. to be loved. “For God so loved…” and because “God first loved us” we can love. I am certainly thankful our relationship with God is based on His love.

Donna Scott’s contact information is http://www.DonnaScottTherapist.com or (619) 500-4653. Calling her may be your first step in learning how to express love and how to receive love from God, others and yourself.

Thank you Donna for sharing your heart with us today and loving others through God’s gift of counseling.

The National Network of Youth Ministries

Tonilee and I have had the privilege over the past several years to work with and assist numerous organizations in the areas of marketing, business development, social media and branding. Non Profits, especially ministries, have one major common cause…serving the Lord through serving others. After spending some quality time with the executive leadership team at the National Network of Youth Ministries, their levels and networks of service are nothing short of phenomenal. But, you or the average person may not be aware of just how much they have done over the years and how many youth ministries they have either influenced or helped start. You may not even know who they are. It’s time.

Here is a snippet of what I discovered about the National Network of Youth Ministries

  • Is the longest running youth ministry network in the country, founded in 1981
  • Created the platform, modeled internationally by youth networks existing today
  • Works with and serves over 750 Youth Leader Networks throughout the United States
  • Has cultivated National and Regional Partnerships with hundreds of denominations and ministry organizations
  • Was Instrumental in launching “See You at the Pole” on a National and Global Level with over 1 Million youth participating
  • Is an ongoing Catalysts/Sponsors for National Conferences representing numerous youth initiatives
  • Convened the original meeting for the Youth Missions Network
  • Created http://www.MentorYouth.com, recruiting mentors for America’s youth, in collaboration with the US Department of Justice
  • Founded “Campus Alliance” –Every Student Every School
  • Host Annual Meeting for Youth Ministry Executive Council (YMAC)
  • Are Active Partners with the Youth Commission of the World Evangelical Alliance
  • Are Youth Ministry Representatives for the National Association of Evangelicals and the Mission America Coalition

Our youth workers, leaders, students, parents, and communities across the United States need to know about the National Network of Youth Ministries and how to support them. Personally, I’ve never met such humble, giving men and women who would rather remain in the background, behind the scenes than boasts about their accomplishments. So, I am going to boast on their behalf and encourage you to check them out. They need our support and prayers to keep up their global mission of connecting youth leaders through the most integrated and interactive networking platform that exist today in youth ministry. That’s NNYM…learn more about them, get involved and reach out in support. Visit www.YouthWorkers.net for more information.

Authored by Bobbye Brooks

FREE Online Webcast

We are hosting a free online webcast every Tuesday at 2pm pst.

Yes, that’s right. It is starting in 10 minutes. Please email us at info@dailydisciples.org if you would like the link. The topic is “The 7 Deadly Sins” and week 1 today is The Proud Look.

If you miss today, we will have a free link for you to watch at a later time according to your convenience. Just sign up through an email at info@daildisciples.org or call Terri at 800-992-0369. Thanks and hope to see your name online!

Life After Death

My friend’s husband passed away a few months ago. My friend has now found herself with a new identity of becoming a widow. The Lord asks us to take care of widows and orphans frequently in the Bible so I do feel an added obligation to listen intently and meet their needs.

My friend was talking out loud. There were times of definite grief in her words and then she would try to gain some strength to make plans. I was driving so it was easy to remain quiet as she cycled through these out loud thoughts until she said something that immediately broke my silence.

Her words, “Well, I am 53 and getting older. It’s ok to be a widow. I do not have much longer to live either. I will just be around for my kids until it’s my time to join him.”

I turned my head towards her and said, “You could have another 35 strong years! Age is not a factor in treating cancer or having heart surgery.  My husband did heart surgery on a patient who was 98 years old and the patient did fine. Age is not a factor in determining what you can and cannot do!”

God called Moses into full-time, hard-core ministry at 80 and then He called Joshua at the same age. Who are we to say that we have reached an age to maintain status quo?  Until the Lord returns or we literally go to Him, there is work on this earth to do, discover and explore.

I told my friend, “You need to get into an exercise class, take up a hobby, volunteer at something that fills your heart, become involved with a mission that focuses your prayers. Move, shift gears, be willing to change.”

If we want to admit it or not, there are certain circumstances in life that causes change. We need to embrace the change in honor of the Lord. Keep the faith and push forward.

I think that is why Jesus told us that the death of a spouse frees the remaining spouse. It is much easier to take on the loved-one’s death than to live without the loved-one.

As a former ICU nurse, I have had to deal with life and death issues a lot. Despite our belief system, all of us struggle with sickness, disease, stress disorders, aging bodies and eventually death.  We pray for healing to the day we die because it brings rays of hope. Let’s make every day count instead of counting down every day. Let’s live our lives to the fullest, giving God the glory for the fullest of His faithfulness in giving us one more day. The term “life after death” is true in many aspects.

How often do you read the Bible?

Last week, I picked up the USA Today newspaper. On the bottom corner, there was a USA Today Snapshot that was entitled: How often we read the Bible? I was surprised by the results:

  • At least once a month         53%
  • Rarely                                      22%
  • Never                                        24%
  • Don’t know                              1%

These percentages imply that the majority of the people in the USA are looking for God through the Bible in some way.  Many of us claim that we had a God-moment or a God-inspired thought. God’s spoken word can even be misinterpreted by our own spin or by the spin of another’s interpretation. But when life circumstances challenge those moments, thoughts or other’s comments, we need something more solid. We need something that speaks right to our heart directly. God’s written word is where 53% of us go to seek encouragement, answers and Truth. It is amazing to me that God’s living Word, Jesus, quoted God’s written Word. If Jesus quoted the Bible, how much more do we need to get familiar with the Bible today?

Bobbye and I wrote a book called “Building Divine Intimacy.” The primary objective was to teach other’s how to have a real relationship with the Lord. Some of the chapters deal with prayer, worship, how to apply the Bible to your daily life and learning to discern God’s voice over all the other voices and noises. We have had amazing testimonies like from Karen, “Thank you so much for writing this book. You finally put in words what my heart was seeking to know.”

If you are interested, please click here. We can send it to you in an e-book (or a pdf) for $5.00.

And if you need help, know that you can send in your prayer requests online through www.dailydisciples.org contact page.

Thank you and God bless you!

How to Share the Gospel

I was driving my son back to college and he asked me how do you share the Gospel with someone? It seems like such a difficult thing to bridge the gap in any relationship to share Christ. But the truth is that if you know the Lord personally, then you are just introducing one friend to another.
I told my son that no one can challenge your personal story of who God is to you and what He has done for you. Whenever you share your experience at a heart level, the listener will listen. If you make it more factual, you have opened the conversation to hear the other person’s facts too. When I was new at this and very young (age 14), I did not know what to say but I did know that I had to say something. I really believe that my evangelistic efforts were so successful because my excitement, passion and conviction was rooted and grounded in love but definitely not expressed well in words. I knew I had a valuable gift that others would want if they just heard about it.
Today, ask the Lord to put someone on your mind. Then ask the Lord to open up a conversation for you to share Him. Wait on Him to do it. Then, speak from your heart. Who can discredit your personal experience? Who will reject you for speaking the truth in love? Even if the fruit is not evident today, you have just given the Spirit a place to start in their heart.

Do Not Judge!

My children have attended a Christian school from preschool until present. My oldest is now in a secular college and doing just fine. When I think back to my high school years, I used to say that I would not send my children to a Christian school because I basically did not like the attitudes of my peers who attended the Christian school. In general, they seemed to be content with the culture of Christianity instead of having a real relationship with the Lord. They seemed to look to each other for their convictions instead of looking and asking the Lord. They acted a lot like my children and their friends today who attend Christian school.
I have had plenty of years to think about this…especially during reenrollment each year. I think the cultural thing does have more to do with being a second generation Christian. While reading Deuteronomy 11:2, Moses said, “Remember today that your children were not the ones who saw and experienced the discipline of the LORD your God: his majesty, his mighty hand, his outstretched arm…” First generation Christians experience a different revelation from the Lord as they know the difference between their life of bondage and God’s outstretch arm to save them personally from it. The first generation Christian has habits, thoughts and patterns to still overcome as they are too familiar with the ways of the world and now changed by the Lord. The second generation Christian tends to be more refined in behavior and seems to act more in line with good Christian behavior.
From God’s point of view, He looks at the heart. We tend to judge by mere appearance and attitudes and lifestyle choices. We have to remember that God honors the man who cannot lift his head to heaven because of the guilt and shame over the self-made religious man who is thankful that he is not the other man. It all comes down to humility in heart. The Lord does not ask us to humble ourselves before man but before Him. That humility starts with salvation and continues through the sanctification process. Repentance remains for the rest of our lives. Repentance is not a one-time thing. I really believe that we will be surprised when we see who God allowed into heaven and I am very thankful that I am not in a position to judge!

Busyness in His Business

The more I look around, the more I discover that people are struggling. When there is no margin in our lives, we have no ability to cope with broken cars, crying kids or sick pets. We are crying for more time, better organizational skills and support but if we miraculously had the ability to schedule spare time, how would we fill it?

I really believe that people like to be busy. Busyness looks like productivity and it makes us feel needed. But I also believe when we get to the point of accepting God as sovereign, we make time for Him to move in everything and to move us to serve Him anywhere.  Keeping Him in perspective gives us the perspective to be absolutely productive and useful in our margin-less lives. It is not about the crises anymore but about how the Lord can move through them to give each thing purpose.

Personally, I do not want extra time on my hands. When I find myself maxed out, I pray. When I find myself too tired to think, I pray. When I find myself too full from dinner to move, I pray. Prayer gives me the cushion I need to get a Sovereign perspective. When I need encouragement, I purposely schedule in Bible reading. Only the Word of God gives me the encouragement to keep going. (Romans 15:4)

The rationalizations, justifications and excuses keep us from growing, developing and making a difference. I want a blessed life. No, I want an abundantly blessed life. But I want that blessed life to be defined by the Lord.  Basically I want more of the Lord in every aspect of life, regardless of how He wants to use me and for whom.

Our Media Company is growing like crazy and I have people ask me all the time, how do you do it all? If I was not doing all of this, I would certainly be busy with something else but I have learned that I want to be where the Lord is blessing…He is choosing to bless this.  I have spent prior days being busy doing shopping, laundry, vacation planning and house decorating.  I noticed in that season of life, I spent my energy in the things that were a continued extension of me. I love my family so to be busy with their things kept me loving and serving the things I already love. I do not need to be spirit led or depend on the Lord to love those who love me back.  (And, realistically, I always make time to do these things because they naturally have my heart). However, adding a responsibility that helps to serve those outside my heart’s desire has allowed me to grow and love in a completely different way.

God is sovereign. He can do what He wants and He can bless whom He wants. Regardless of what others think I need to be doing or who they want me to be, I choose to follow the Lord. Allowing the Lord to have free reign in my overly scheduled day has given me a peace and a joy that has truly bless me. It really did come by reprioritizing the busyness.  “Busyness in His Business.” We can remain busy but are we really about His business or our own?

Washing Machine Woes

My washer broke today. Personally, I think it has been having trouble for a while but I actually took extra notice because only my clothes were in the wash. It’s funny how dependent we get on household appliance. I guess that is why some are called Major appliances.  When they break, they affect your life in a major way. Last time this machine broke, the serviceman said it was fixed after unplugging it. Yes, that worked for him to leave early but it was obviously not fixed. No matter how many times I unplug it now, the rinse and spin do not work.

I was thinking about the Lord and wondered if He looks down from heaven and says, “I am going to have her washing machine break today?”  Most people would say NO because life happens and things break and problems arise regardless if you know the Lord or not. I would agree. So, then most people would take it upon themselves to get it fixed without the Lord too. That is where I would disagree. Just like I called Bobbye and complained to her about the horrible timing and anger I had about the machine, I have learned that the Lord wants me to tell Him too. The difference between Bobbye and the Lord however is that Bobbye gave me earthly problem solving skills to think through (which were great) but the Lord can directly intervene.

By complaining and including the Lord, He takes you by the hand and moves situations to even work something this dumb together for good. I called Lowe’s because I have the extended warranty. While the girl was looking for the appointment time, I started praying for the time I wanted. She then tells me the only time they have which happened to be the exact time that I had just prayed to receive. Coincidence or a faith builder? I guess that comes down to Who got the glory…not the scheduler but the Lord. That is all He cares about so that’s all I should care about too.

The washing machine may be called a major appliance but in the picture of things…it is not so major. However, if I choose to see God intervene in something this minor, then when the major things happen, I have already established a level of trust that He cares and will intervene in those things too.  The same repairman is coming back on Tuesday. I will have to pray he really does fix it this time.